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A Life Orchestrated Around Fear – Week 22

How big is fear in your life? In mine, fear was the primary driving force behind much of the programming. You probably know some people like that. Maybe it’s you sometimes.

I feared the future, failure, success, commitments, not committing, poverty, wealth, feasting and famine. Most of all, I feared not being “enough.”

Always something more was needed. More education, more training, more information, more money, more time, more fitness, more suits, more titles, more achievements, more skills. Never enough, never sufficient.

Unknowingly, I had given power to some nebulous event or person or circumstance or business or system to make me good enough, smart enough, organized enough and/or attractive enough to succeed.

Mind you, I didn’t originate much of this programming. I learned it at my parents’ knees. Extended family taught me. Teachers taught me. Society taught me. And I learned and I bought and I internalized all the lessons of inadequacy, limitation and lack.

And, recently, I unlearned them. I first created a desirable life vision. Then I read edifying truths about how to profitably think. Then awareness dawned.

Consciousness precedes change.

I now know that the only way for me to experience growth and positive change is to create the desired conditions inside, in the subjective. Then, over time, conditions outside, in the objective, manifest in conformity with the vision within.

Another example might help. Several recent experiences demonstrated the power of enmity. In one, a friend called with exciting news about finding a new company with which to apply his skills and talents. As he described his new “love,” I chided him for being the “message” rather than the messenger. I apologized later, but the damage was done. Healing will hopefully mend the breach over time.

The impact of these experiences caused me to ponder how they were all related, and the answer came easily. In each experience I manifested a sense of enmity or competition. And I easily discerned the source: insecurity. The source of insecurity? FEAR. Same song; different verse.

I feel grateful for the consciousness of fear as it manifested in insecurity. I know from recent study in the Masterkey Mastermind Experience that fear, guilt, anger, hurt feelings and unworthiness frequently accompany expansion of one’s comfort zone. Thus, my awareness of these feelings allows me to simultaneously feel reassured in progress, despite the pain of unintentionally straining relationships.

Given the foregoing, you won’t be surprised that close friendships have been rare, and that a sense of impending doom was a frequent companion until recently. Praise God for a new day!

A month’s reading of Mandino’s Scroll V from The Greatest Salesman has taught me that mourning yesterday’s failures darkens today’s joy and diverts energy from making today the best it can be. I can, however, make amends today as well as possible, and I can remember to connect.

You see, enmity fosters a sense of “other.” We’re learning from Haanel’s Masterkey System that “other” is an unnecessarily limiting illusion. The truth is connection. Connection with God above, connection with God within (myself), and connection with God all around (nature, people, etc.). With connection, enmity vanishes.

We have, each moment, a privilege. That privilege is choice. For me, the best choice is conscious connection. Eventually, with practice, connection will be automatic and require no further conscious choice. I will have changed the music and the orchestra will play a more pleasing tune.

Until then, I am humbled and grateful for loving, forgiving friends, companions and fellow travelers.

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7 thoughts on “A Life Orchestrated Around Fear – Week 22

  1. Wow…what a post. How exciting to clearly see faulty thinking and then proactively change it. Good for you. I must admit I’m not totally clear what you meant when talking with your friend and trust that your friendship will survive and perhaps even be strengthened because of your exchange. As always…all the best!

    1. Thank you! I was purposely vague about my friend; the detail wouldn’t have edified. I’m confident the friendship will survive, given enough time.

  2. I so appreciate your candor and your struggle! Step one is realizing what limits you and step two is knowing that you can do something about it! Love sharing this journey with you!

  3. “Consciousness precedes change.”…love that line. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and journey with us!

  4. I too love your line: Consciousness precedes change.
    this course has really helped me become aware

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