Tag Archives: Blame

Mt Rainier

Addicted to Projection – Week 19

Are you more in love with your potential or your excuses?  For me, the answer too long was the latter.  That was a consequence of addiction, addiction to projecting my excuses onto the people around me.

This was part of the blueprint that was keeping me small and stuck in my previous reality.  That reality was far short of my dreams, and, more to the point, far short of my potential.

A few examples may help you understand me.  You can liken these to yourself if they fit.

Most of us understand the Law of Attraction to state that we attract what we inherently are.  (E.g., Haanel, paragraph 19-17.)  As I thought myself to “be” prosperous, and I could see that I wasn’t, I projected my own (I know now) weakness onto my wife.

That’s three logic errors for the price of one:  externalizing the cause of my reality, projecting my weakness onto my wife, and denying the reality of my own mental state.

All you married folks will realize that the logic errors are just the tip of the error iceberg.  The larger portion of the problem is denial, blame, lack of progress, poor economic results (at least in comparison to perceived ability), and destruction of trust and emotional intimacy.  Not a pretty picture, especially when that wasn’t the only weakness I projected onto my wife.  That she stayed with me is a testament to her strength and her commitment to her covenants with God.

Our society offers two choices for celebration: ability or disability.  This being the season of the Winter Olympics, celebration of ability is almost constantly before us.  Every political season gives us cause, if we want it, to celebrate disability.  Part of my insanity, as mentioned in previous posts, was coming from a “less than” box, where I believed myself to be less than others.

As a consequence, part of me liked the idea of being celebrated for being disabled.  My affliction with depression was at least partially disabling.  Whoo hoo!  I’m disabled.  Wait!  I don’t want to live on disability income, so I can’t really go there.  Nor do I want to live dependent on frequently ineffective mental health meds with terrible side effects. That wouldn’t do at all.

I always perceived myself to be a good student.  After all, you really can’t gain entrance into law school nor pass a bar or CPA exam without being a good student.  That’s all good, as far as it goes.  What about the “weightier matters”?  I was great academically in formal education.  I could remember, assimilate, synthesize, analyze, and logic through others’ problems.  What about my own?

“Knowledge does not apply itself,” says Haanel repeatedly in his Masterkey System.  And, so, I was left with a logical conundrum.  I believed Haanel (and many others writing similarly), and I had a firm grasp of the text.  And, yet, at least through 2013, I still didn’t like my results.  Two choices immediately appeared: blame the teacher, or admit my failings as a student.

Up until recently, I blamed the teacher.  I can see that now.  I disclaimed responsibility for my ability as a student, largely as part of my larger “externalization” of success.  All the books, tapes, programs and systems offered me “magic” that would transform me via external influence into the person I felt I could become.  And I projected my weaknesses and failings onto the teachers.

Fortunately, persistence is a virtue, and it can be learned.  My basic personality helped.  I was always too stubborn to give up.  I am always ready to wake up to a new day and try again.

Why? I can’t tell you.  I suppose I’m like a mountaineer.  “Why did you climb the mountain?” asks the reporter.  “Because it was there,” replies the outdoorsman.  He had a motivation different from the reporter, and such will really forever remain foreign to the spectator or critic.

Through the grace of God I always had before me a vision of who I could be, and that was far beyond my current state.  The mountain of my potential lay constantly before me, and I could not give up until I found a way to summit that peak.

Hence, I celebrate each day’s progress, each day’s chance to renew the upward journey.  Today I found a new insight: that I have been more addicted to my excuses than to my vision.

When I combine that knowledge with the conviction that the power of success is within me, I gain strength, and I gain compassion.  I also gain motivation to continue the upward climb, because I know many coming after me will need my example to give them strength to continue their own climb.

Join me, won’t you?

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